What would you do if your husband after 15 years of marriage said “I don’t know if I want to be married anymore”? Well, I moved to China. Of course there’s so much more to the story than that, but for the sake of this article…that’s the beginning and the now.
Although the conversation took place almost a year ago, the decision to move and the process to make it happen took little to no time at all. The hardest part was accepting the fact that my husband wanted to leave. He wanted to live, eat and sleep in a place that did not include me. All I knew was that I didn’t want to witness him doing these things without me, so, the logical thing for me was to go somewhere where I wouldn’t have to. But China?
A funny thing happened a few years ago, when I too wasn’t sure if I “wanted to be married”. My very supportive husband encouraged and partly financed a trip to the Dominic Republic, Dubai and my month-long stay in Bali.
This produced not only my very first book F.E.A.R. F! Excuses Act Revolutionary; it also awakened my love for travel. So, I traveled. And traveled and traveled some more. I even had this great idea that my husband and I could both, take a year away from our “lives” and go live…abroad. Needless to say, when he said he wanted some time away…from me, moving into a tiny apartment on the other side of town was not even a thought that entered my mind.
The only question was where would I go. Earlier this year I’d traveled to Australia for a book tour, New Zealand to help a friend with an event and Shanghai for a little tourist getaway. New Zealand was breathtakingly beautiful. Australia reminded me of home and Shanghai, well China was like no place I’d ever been.
I moved to China because I wanted to be shaken not stirred. Challenged and uncomfortable. I wanted to be the opposite of what I had become back home. Complacent, predictable and bored! Someone that was not worthy…let me stop. See, every once in a while I slip back into the emotional “poor pitiful me” role. I know that this move was not about ME. It was/it is all about him and what he needs to be a better man (his words). Although it may not be about me…it still feels pretty damn personal and hurts all the same.
At the time, it made perfect sense to take all this emotion and fly 7000 miles away from everything and everyone I knew who could provide support…so, that’s what I did. I moved to China because I realized that although the separation was not my idea and it wasn’t “about me”, it would be and NOW… it is!
It’s about me deciding what kind of life I want to have, what kind of woman I want to be, what type of people I will draw into my circle based on my needs, my wants and my desires. It’s about me waking up on purpose and driven each and every morning forced to be myself because I am all I brought with me to China. No expectations, NO cash to get back home and NO regrets!
